Do You Have a Sex Addiction?

Do You Have a Sex Addiction?

July 29th, 2015 @

Are you a sex addict?

Are you constantly on apps like Grindr trying to organise a hookup? Is the main focus of your week or weekend about finding a sexual partner? Do you feel compelled to look for sexual engagements in bars, sex clubs, saunas, online, or with prostitutes?

Of course, seeking and having sex itself is hardly a problem. It’s only when sex becomes part of a compulsive or addictive cycle, or when it impacts your self or others negatively, that a problem may exist.

So how do you know if you are a sex addict or if you have a sexual compulsion?

Consider if any of the following apply to you:

  • Is the need for sex causing problems in your life?
  • Are you regularly distracted from regular relationships and activities in your life because you’re thinking about, or seeking, sex?
  • Are you caught in a cycle of regular sexual hookups that you’re not able to stop?
  • Do you make commitments to yourself to stop the sexual cycle – but are unable to stop?
  • Are you regularly seeking sex outside of your long-term monogomous relationship?
  • Do you feel shame and/or guilt about the amount of sex that you have or the amount of time that you spend looking for sex?
  • Are your sexual activities placing your job, existing relationships/friendships or other important things in your life at risk?
  • Do you struggle with non-sexual intimacy?

Answering yes to some of these questions doesn’t automatically mean that you’re a sex addict. However, if you are honest with yourself after asking these questions – you may be able to recognise sexual addiction in your thinking or your behaviours.

Sexual addiction, like other addictions, is often a coping mechanism as a way to deal with previous trauma or challenges, or could signify a lack of connection and/or intimacy in one’s life. Sometimes it can be a way to distract yourself from painful/hurtful feelings – by engaging in something that not only feels good, but also is sufficiently intense to completely distract you from other issues in your life or unresolved emotional issues.

With the overwhelm of porn in our society, gay men often grow up being exposed to sex through porn as a non-intimate form of connection. After all, with porn, sex is simply the physical act – there is no personal or intimate connection. Gay men who are sex addicts often think of their sexual partners in a similar objectified or non-intimate way.

While sexual addiction can often be portrayed by our society as shameful or negative behaviour, it’s also an important sign that something isn’t right. It’s a sign that there is some unmet need or unprocessed trauma in your life that is being covered up over and over again. Men can often avoid these difficult feelings/issues for months or even years and decades. However, they generally don’t go away until they’ve been addressed. It’s often when the sexual addiction reaches a point of overwhelm or when a ‘secret’ sexual addiction is discovered, or when the addiction impacts one’s life significantly that men take the first real steps to addressing the problem.

For many men turning up to a counsellor or therapist and admitting to having a sexual addiction, or talking about sexual addiction, can be scary. When seeking support it’s really important therefore that you find someone that won’t judge you, someone that is experienced in working with with gay men with sex and porn addictions and someone with whom you feel comfortable. Gay men often will feel more comfortable talking to a gay male counsellor or therapist.

Sexual addiction is actually not uncommon in Australia – it’s just not something that is talked about openly in most cases. So even though you may feel isolated around your sexual addiction, you’ll discover that talking about it with someone who is not going to judge you, can provide a huge sense of relief.

If you are a sex addict, or if you think you may have a sexual addiction, the first step is to find someone that you can talk to. It’s not always a comfortable or easy journey, but stepping out of your comfort zone and working through the issues can lead you to feel far happier and more fulfilled in your life.

Harley Conyer

Gay Menstuff


Category : Blog &Compulsive Behaviours &Featured &Grindr &Porn &Secrets &Sex &Sex Addiction &Sexuality

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